Not his ideal guy

Sometimes, I get so caught up with everything that goes on in my life that I forget to stop and take a breather. Writing blogs allows me to step back and put everything into perspective. I haven't been doing that these past few weeks. In this post: concerning Jeff C. and on having a cold.

I really liked Jeff C. Somehow, over the course of our friendship, he seemed to have lost interest in doing anything non-sexual with me. The first time we had sex, he told me that he didn't want our sexual interactions to be romantic because he associates romance with having a boyfriend. Because I didn't know how to react, I've been silent about the issue until two days ago.

Jeff told me late last year that he was looking for friendship with benefits. Since he was nice, I naively thought that having that kind of relationship would work out for both of us. Well, it turned out that he did want friendship with benefits, only minus the friendship. Lately, he absolutely won't visit me or express any interest in talking to me online unless he wanted to fool around. It made me irritated at first but I reasoned that his work schedule was preventing him from spending a lot of time with me.

Two days ago, I told him almost jokingly about his lack of passion in bed. He told me nonchalantly that he wasn't passionate about me and that he had to be wildly attracted to elicit the sort of passion I was talking about. At that moment, I didn't think I could put up with it any longer, so I told him that I wasn't going to be used anymore and bid him goodbye.

He emailed me the following day saying that he didn't want to hurt my feelings. In the email, he mentioned that although he thinks I'm cute and attractive, he's just not looking for a relationship and reminded me that I'm not looking for one either. Also, he told me that with regards to bedroom stuff, that he's looking for someone different, someone to "get his juices flowing." He reasoned that he's allowed to have his own personal tastes in men and that although I wasn't his ideal, he still liked our sexy moments. He also acknowledged that he doesn't pay enough attention to me, like I deserve.

I like him, maybe a lot more than I care to admit; however, the fact remains that he will never want to spend time with or talk to me outside of a sexual setting. Some people and situations never change no matter how much we wish them to. This thing with Jeff C. falls under the unchangeable category. That's why although he apologized, I will never talk to him again.

So I contracted a virulent case of the cold early this week. My throat hurts like a bitch and I feel really tired. I meant to attend classes on Friday but my body just wouldn't cooperate. Oh well. Although I am sick, I still play the Nintendo Wii with Andrew quite frequently. We've probably put on a good 15 hours each day these past few days playing video games.

Until next time!