Oh man! I haven't posted in almost two weeks. What the hell is happening? As I mentioned in my last entry, I was sick with the cold. It took me awhile to recover, but eventually I did. I've been mopey lately because of Jeff, being behind in my school work, and the looming prospect of entering the real world after I get my degree.
About the Jeff issue, I feel sad because he added to the long line of guys who made me feel miserable, used, and empty. I don't have anything more to say about that. As with all my previous failures and disappointments, I shall bounce back and move on.
School work sucks. Getting ill made me more behind that I already was. Now, I have two assignments due tomorrow, writing proofs as usual. I have ideas on how to show that certain assertions are true, but I'm not exactly sure how to prove them using the axioms we discussed in class. Basically, I'm screwed, but I'll keep working on them. Hopefully, I'll have something to turn in tomorrow.
Until next time.
1/29/08
1/18/08
Not his ideal guy
Sometimes, I get so caught up with everything that goes on in my life that I forget to stop and take a breather. Writing blogs allows me to step back and put everything into perspective. I haven't been doing that these past few weeks. In this post: concerning Jeff C. and on having a cold.
I really liked Jeff C. Somehow, over the course of our friendship, he seemed to have lost interest in doing anything non-sexual with me. The first time we had sex, he told me that he didn't want our sexual interactions to be romantic because he associates romance with having a boyfriend. Because I didn't know how to react, I've been silent about the issue until two days ago.
Jeff told me late last year that he was looking for friendship with benefits. Since he was nice, I naively thought that having that kind of relationship would work out for both of us. Well, it turned out that he did want friendship with benefits, only minus the friendship. Lately, he absolutely won't visit me or express any interest in talking to me online unless he wanted to fool around. It made me irritated at first but I reasoned that his work schedule was preventing him from spending a lot of time with me.
Two days ago, I told him almost jokingly about his lack of passion in bed. He told me nonchalantly that he wasn't passionate about me and that he had to be wildly attracted to elicit the sort of passion I was talking about. At that moment, I didn't think I could put up with it any longer, so I told him that I wasn't going to be used anymore and bid him goodbye.
He emailed me the following day saying that he didn't want to hurt my feelings. In the email, he mentioned that although he thinks I'm cute and attractive, he's just not looking for a relationship and reminded me that I'm not looking for one either. Also, he told me that with regards to bedroom stuff, that he's looking for someone different, someone to "get his juices flowing." He reasoned that he's allowed to have his own personal tastes in men and that although I wasn't his ideal, he still liked our sexy moments. He also acknowledged that he doesn't pay enough attention to me, like I deserve.
I like him, maybe a lot more than I care to admit; however, the fact remains that he will never want to spend time with or talk to me outside of a sexual setting. Some people and situations never change no matter how much we wish them to. This thing with Jeff C. falls under the unchangeable category. That's why although he apologized, I will never talk to him again.
So I contracted a virulent case of the cold early this week. My throat hurts like a bitch and I feel really tired. I meant to attend classes on Friday but my body just wouldn't cooperate. Oh well. Although I am sick, I still play the Nintendo Wii with Andrew quite frequently. We've probably put on a good 15 hours each day these past few days playing video games.
Until next time!
I really liked Jeff C. Somehow, over the course of our friendship, he seemed to have lost interest in doing anything non-sexual with me. The first time we had sex, he told me that he didn't want our sexual interactions to be romantic because he associates romance with having a boyfriend. Because I didn't know how to react, I've been silent about the issue until two days ago.
Jeff told me late last year that he was looking for friendship with benefits. Since he was nice, I naively thought that having that kind of relationship would work out for both of us. Well, it turned out that he did want friendship with benefits, only minus the friendship. Lately, he absolutely won't visit me or express any interest in talking to me online unless he wanted to fool around. It made me irritated at first but I reasoned that his work schedule was preventing him from spending a lot of time with me.
Two days ago, I told him almost jokingly about his lack of passion in bed. He told me nonchalantly that he wasn't passionate about me and that he had to be wildly attracted to elicit the sort of passion I was talking about. At that moment, I didn't think I could put up with it any longer, so I told him that I wasn't going to be used anymore and bid him goodbye.
He emailed me the following day saying that he didn't want to hurt my feelings. In the email, he mentioned that although he thinks I'm cute and attractive, he's just not looking for a relationship and reminded me that I'm not looking for one either. Also, he told me that with regards to bedroom stuff, that he's looking for someone different, someone to "get his juices flowing." He reasoned that he's allowed to have his own personal tastes in men and that although I wasn't his ideal, he still liked our sexy moments. He also acknowledged that he doesn't pay enough attention to me, like I deserve.
I like him, maybe a lot more than I care to admit; however, the fact remains that he will never want to spend time with or talk to me outside of a sexual setting. Some people and situations never change no matter how much we wish them to. This thing with Jeff C. falls under the unchangeable category. That's why although he apologized, I will never talk to him again.
So I contracted a virulent case of the cold early this week. My throat hurts like a bitch and I feel really tired. I meant to attend classes on Friday but my body just wouldn't cooperate. Oh well. Although I am sick, I still play the Nintendo Wii with Andrew quite frequently. We've probably put on a good 15 hours each day these past few days playing video games.
Until next time!
1/5/08
San Francisco
The Saturday before I left, Dana and I went on a day trip to San Francisco. We took the BART, a bullet train, to San Francisco. Dana wasn't in a very good mood that day but I didn't let it spoil our fun. It was our last date together so I was determined for it to succeed.
We arrived in San Francisco shortly after noon. I was thankful that I brought a track jacket in addition to the hoodie I was wearing because the city was frigid cold. We went to a bunch of stores, namely Louis Vuitton, Diesel, French Connection, and Macy's. At Macy's, I noticed that Dana was becoming increasingly despondent as he watched me try a bunch of make-up from Mac Cosmetics. His mood was really starting to bring me down but I absolutely refused to let it show.
From experience, I know that vigorous physical activity is a panacea for depression. Instead of taking a street car, I made the decision for Dana and I to walk from downtown San Francisco to the Embarcadero. After over an hour of strenuous walk, his mood improved drastically. I think the little bit of sunlight helped too.
Lunch was satisfying. I took Dana to Butterfly, an Asian fusion restaurant at Pier 33. It's one of the few places in the city that serves Kobe beef burgers and the items on their dessert menu are absolutely delicious. I had Kobe beef burger while he had chicken club sandwich. For dessert, we shared a banana pudding with macapuno ice cream on top. It was absolute heaven in your mouth!
We walked to the Presidio and checked out a few shops and art galleries along the way. I went to United Colors of Benetton and tried on a shirt, which Dana thought looked very gay. We also went to the Franklin Bowles Galleries. At the time, they were showing original serigraphs by LeRoy Neiman. Actually, they had serigraphs by other artists as well, but we only looked at Neiman's. His works were amazing. I don't think any description I could come up with would do them justice, so just click here to go to the artist's website.
We took the direct route back to downtown. By direct, I meant we took the hilly roads that run from Ghirardelli Square to Market St. Along the way, I took pictures of the city. We passed through a group of middle-aged friends who were talking animatedly in French. By the time we got to the San Francisco Shopping Center, my legs were achy and my walk was wobbly.
I bought us some smoothies from Jamba Juice just so we could sit and relax for a few minutes before hopping back on the BART. Dana's really into public displays of affection, which bothered me a little because it reminded me of John, the sugar daddy who always touched my private bits in public. I knew he was just being playful and sweet so I didn't say anything.
The trip home was uneventful. I slept the whole way through except when we had to transfer trains in Oakland. When we arrived in Fremont, we were greeted by a strong gush of biting cold wind. Dana astutely informed me that the temperature was 41 degrees Fahrenheit, cold by San Francisco Bay standards. We waited for half an hour at the station before the bus arrived, all the while talking about my exploits of the carnal nature in Halifax. My stop was before his. Before I got off, he invited me to his family's New Years Eve party, which by the way is the subject of my next blog entry.
Until next time!
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