I first met Jeremy back in 10th grade. We both had Phys Ed in the same period. I've been fawning over him for weeks ever since I first laid eyes on him. Although he called me a faggot several times, I still felt the need to tell him how I felt towards him. You can't blame a boy for wanting to try right? So one day near the end of fall semester, I handed him a letter saying how much I like him with the hopes of spending time with him as friends. I even gave him my e-mail address and my AIM screen name. He never contacted me, which was probably a good thing because I was so socially inept at the time that I probably would've ruined our friendship before it even began. Rumor has it that he and his friends had a good laugh when he told them about my poor attempt at a come on. Fortunately, they pretty much left me alone except for an occasional taunt or two.
However, one of the girls he hung out with was especially nasty to me. I think she was hell bent on making my life miserable. Carmen called me names, hid my things, and made me look like an idiot in front of the guys she thought I liked. This went on for awhile and me being me back then, I did absolutely nothing to dissuade her from treating me like crap. One day after our Phys Ed class, she yanked my backpack for no reason. I was in a especially bad mood so I pushed her. Irate, she turned to Jeremy and said, "Look at what that fag did. He pushed me." To my surprise, Jeremy responded in a sullen tone, "Cause you yanked his backpack." That seemed to shut her up and she left me alone. I went home that afternoon with a big smile and a happy heart.
Jeremy transferred to a continuation high school the following school year. Whenever I think of him, I think of that day he defended me instead of siding with Carmen. I only saw him again once in the years following 10th grade. I was walking to the grocery store one hot summer afternoon when I saw him with his friends riding their bikes in the parking lot. We made eye contact and I think I detected a faint smile form on his thin ruby red lips. But maybe it was wishful thinking on my part.
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Ryan was the quintessential blond, blue-eyed stud. I remember him being skinny as a bean pole in our underclassmen years. He started working out around the end of our sophomore year and returned as a muscular über male the following school year. I'm not sure exactly when I started going crazy over him, but one thing I'm certain about is that I would have done absolutely anything to have him.
One time, I was delegated the responsibility to write the random male article for the feature section of The Union. Knowing that I could pick anyone I want, I decided that I should try my luck and see if choosing Ryan wouldn't arouse the suspicion of the feature editor. The success of my devious plot would have granted me time spent flirting and talking to the object of my jack off fantasies. Unfortunately, a few of my fellow staffers knew about my
It's astounding how much mental resources I invested into getting him to notice my existence. By senior year, I was popular enough that I was able to let everyone who mattered know that I liked Ryan. I wasn't sure what that would accomplish but I did it anyway. I graduated one semester early and for awhile forgot about Ryan. After all, I had more important things to attend to, like higher education. Eventually, he found out about my little secret, but I didn't know about it until he himself informed me a few days after our senior trip to Santa Cruz.
I came back to Milpitas High School to pick up my senior yearbook. Ava and I hung out for a bit and signed each other's yearbook. It's really funny how we became friends, but that's a story that should be left for another time. After visiting a few teachers, I headed to the parking lot to see if I could catch Ryan before he left. To my surprise, he was sitting in his car reading a book. I knocked on the window and introduced myself. He said, "So you're the Chris who likes me." He told me about the rumors he heard, but that after all that time, he still didn't know who I was. I decided to push my luck and asked him if he could sign my yearbook. He wrote me a cute dedication, complete with tiny hearts. I saw him a few more times at the local mall after that meeting. Recently, I came across his myspace and he had straight listed under his sexual orientation. Who knew?
